


If I Could Fly

by crypticrose



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Canon Compliant, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, Niles doesnt believe he deserves love, Subaki wants to make him realize how much he truly deserves in life, emotional support kink, past trauma, post A support
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 16:06:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17665742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crypticrose/pseuds/crypticrose
Summary: Niles wasn’t one to wax sentimental, having lost so much in life he learned not to place too much value in the ephemeral. But how could he not love a man who’s features were naturally colored with blood in the most beautiful way.





	If I Could Fly

**Author's Note:**

> Listen there aren't nearly enough works for these two on the internet and I've been sitting on this fic for a while. I decided to let it be two chapters and just post what I have while I work on the rest. I love these two so much more than words could say, they mean a lot to me and I will die on this hill.

One of the most beautiful spectacles Hoshido had to offer was its own skies. Throughout the day it was a vivid and clear cerulean, awash with the occasional wisps of clouds like spun sugar. The sky at sunset bloomed in blazing tones of orange and pink like a fire come to life, dancing across the horizon. It was almost heartbreaking watching the colors fade to indigo, and eventually to black. However once the last strands of the sun had been swallowed by the hills the sky lit anew with a million tiny stars. The first time Niles had seen it, really seen it, he had trouble breathing.

 

He wasn’t one to wax sentimental, having lost so much in life he learned not to place too much value in the ephemeral. It didn’t help that the skies in Nohr were always a depressing shade of grey. The most beautiful thing they had to offer was the dim sunlight glinting off the great wings of a pegasus and the crimson hair of its rider as they came in for a landing.

 

That particular night he had forgotten his principles and allowed himself to fall into the endless sea of stars that stretched out above him without a single cloud to disturb the view. His breath caught in his throat, and his heart broke for the fact that in a few delicate hours this sight would be devoured once again by the greedy sun. His lungs burned, but still he found himself choked up to the point of asphyxiation.

 

He chuckled to himself internally, thinking that if this way the way he was going to go out not only would it be pathetic but it would also be poetic. Jokes on him it seemed, he always thought it would be bloody, and if he was lucky, a little bit erotic.

 

A soft hand brushed the back of his, so much warmer than he was used to, startling him out of his reviere. He let their fingers thread through his own and hold on tight, and only then did he draw the relief of the cool night air into his lungs.

 

“When I was younger I used to feel like the sky was going to drown me.” The hand holding his squeezes gently, and Niles turns at the sound of his voice. Eye roaming the man's face as he stares still at the stars. “Isn't it funny how I was once afraid. It just seemed so vast. As if I could get lost in it.”

 

“Yet you still chose to fly. Interesting.” NIles slipped into a comfortable smirk as the other man turned to look at him. Eyes like Nohrian wine, squinting almost completely shut as he smiled.

 

“Isn’t it. But if you had the chance to touch the clouds, would you have turned it down?” Subakis voice took on its usual challenging tone and Niles felt his body light with excitement.

 

“I’m far more keen on striking down those who chose the skies.” NIles tone dipped dangerously, eye closing and reopening quickly in a wink. Subaki chuckled.

 

“Of course, and yet you've never raised your bow against me.” He turned his gaze back at the sky, pleasant expression still gracing his features. Niles decided that perhaps he preferred that to his fierce anger or twisted agony. Even though lighting a fire under the Hoshidan was still one of his greatest pleasures in life.

 

“Curious isn’t it. Though you have been letting your guard down as of late, perhaps I’ll take advantage.” He leaned in, invading Subakis cherished space. The other man rolled his eyes at Niles words but he made no move to pull away.

 

“You’re a horrible liar for a thief.” Subaki turned to meet his eye, lips now hardly an inch from Niles own. “Let me take you up tomorrow, trust me the sky isn’t as daunting once you’ve been swallowed by it and come out the other side.”

 

Niles leaned in then, a conflicting surge of thoughts storming across his synapses. He wanted that. But he also feared it. Heights always led to a fall when you were without wings of your own. And in Niles experience, weighted down with proverbial stones, he fell heavy each time.

 

The loss of ground beneath your feet. The flash of pure heart stopping fear, paralyzing your limbs and darkening your vision as you felt only the empty air under your body. Time paused to let you take it all in, before rushing back to a start so fast you couldn't register anything besides the numbing sting of brutal air speeding past you as you sunk deeper and deeper towards your demise.

 

He spared a subtle glance downward. The earth stood solid under his worn boots. So why did he still feel himself falling? He stopped himself short of his initial goal, teasingly, maddingly. He could feel the air between them crackle as Subaki refused to lean in and close the rest of the distance. The games they played were frustrating, born out of competitive spirit. Neither of them could ever consider themselves a winner. The games were designed for both of them to lose.

 

What kind fools would play them willingly?

 

“I can think of better ways for us to spend our precious free time, princess.” The familiar nickname slid off his tongue sweetly, bordering on patronizing. Subaki bristled.

 

“You always run from my questions even though I've honored all of yours. I thought we were past this.” Subaki’s perfect lips turned down at the corners, he looked a little hurt. And not in the fun way Niles loved to see. No, this was something he never wanted to see in those eyes again. Sparing a second to mourn his loss, he finally sealed his fate and closed the distance between their lips.

 

Subaki resisted melting against him for all of three seconds. His hands stuttering at his sides not knowing what to to before he gave in and slid them up Niles back under his cloak.

 

Niles let his hands wander lower on Subakis body, he was toned and yet still soft. The sky knight probably thought of that as a weakness, but Niles lived and died for it. When he pulled back to meet Subaki’s eyes, his expression had softened, no longer was there lingering self doubt hiding behind them. Niles smiled and brought one hand up to brush his knuckles along his jaw.

 

“I wasn’t running princess, I was being serious.” Niles spoke softly, all leering gone from his voice.

 

“That’s new for you.” Niles chuckled at the playful jab and the careful smile on Subakis lips reached his eyes once again. Niles fought the urge to pull him into another kiss. Breaking the first one was hard enough, and if their lips touched again he would lose every shred of dignity and all but drag his lover to the bedroom. They still had talking to do, stars to count, and quiet silence to enjoy. They needn't rush off to bed like restless children. Time would wait for them.

 

“You know, I have been known to be serious. But only when it’s absolutely unavoidable.” He smirked, resting his hands on the small of Subakis back, “So consider yourself lucky.”

 

“If luck has brought me to this moment, perhaps I will.” He mused softly, but with absolution. Eyelashes fluttering as his gaze swept across Niles’ face before drifting up to the sky. The rogues breath stuttered as his heart ached within his chest. He used to think himself incapable of these feelings, but Subaki lived to prove him wrong it seemed.

 

He couldn't tear his eye from Subakis own, even though his lover was looking elsewhere. The stars pooled in those perfect wine eyes. Constellations and galaxies spreading out in the infinite space, planets and life, the endless wonders of the universe. Gods Niles needed to catch his breath somewhere where those eyes couldn’t follow him. He felt himself spinning out of control.

 

“Hey,” He spoke softly, only to get Subakis attention back onto his face. He brought one hand up to trace along the gorgeous curve of his cheekbone. “Milord speaks often of luck, but given my upbringing you know I wasnt partial to believing in an otherworldly guiding force.” Subaki leaned into his touch, eyes taking on an expression Niles wasn’t able to place. “I think more than mere luck has brought us here.”

 

“Niles if you speak the words destiny or fate I might have to check your temperature.” A laugh escaped his lips along with those words. Subaki put his own hand over the one warming his cheek, and pressed him firmly closer. A lazy smile lighting up his eyes and replacing their former glaze.

 

“Seems you’re messing with my principals, love.”

 

“Hard to mess with what’s not concrete in the first place It’s not my fault your morals are weak.”

 

Niles gasped out a breathy chuckle. Oh he was playing this game was he?

 

“You want to speak of my morals camellia, it’s a dangerous subject.” The rogue all but purred, leaning in closer to Subakis face, tone dipping into something more sinister. He knew that it wouldn’t have the same effect as it used to. Subaki could read him to well now. He let his sky knight into the cracks in his facade, and now all of his old tricks were rendered functionally useless.

 

Subaki laughed lightly, right in Niles’ face. That little motherfucker. “I’m not afraid of you Niles of Nohr,” His voice like embellished silk flowed over Niles’ ears gently. But the edge, hidden beneath those velvet words, was what drove him up the wall. It was a heady feeling, getting lost in this man, like something tingeing on addictive. He could go from honorable pleasantries to the most sinfully delicious string of words faster than Niles could blink. How could he be expected to keep up.

 

“A fools words.” He leaned in, as if to press a heated kiss against the other mans lips. Subaki took the bait, letting his eyes slip shit and leaning in a bit. Niles smirked wide and stopped just short, opting to instead take the Hoshidans lower lip between his teeth and bite down.

 

Subaki gasped out loud, and Niles swallowed it down with his lips and tongue and of course, more teeth. When he pulled back to catch his breath he couldn’t help but admire his work. His lips, pouted in an indignant fashion, were washed in a gorgeous gradient of delicate pink on the outside to a swollen angry red. His face was heated, flush spreading across the bridge of his nose and up onto his ears. Those eyes, though hazy, could still slice him with their glare. Gods he was beautiful when he got all riled up.

 

Niles would never tire of it.

 

Subaki opened his perfect mouth to fire back a retort, and Niles took that opportunity to slip his tongue back inside of it. The other man moaned, fisting his hands into his cloak and hair. Holding him hard against him, his own form of fighting back without actually pushing him away. Because he was, not so secretly, but very thoroughly, enjoying himself. When they broke their kiss finally it was only because humans have this tricky and annoying function called needing to breathe.

 

They stood there, catching their breath and taking each other in. Niles was used to terrifying thoughts, his mind was a dark and horrible place. Full of jagged broken dreams and repressed memories he darent stir up. His thoughts were usually unpleasant, but they always made a twisted smile crack across his face. This time however, they nearly stopped his heart. As he stared at the man in front of him something chilling sunk into his veins. He was beautiful. He was dangerous. Niles would do anything for him. All he need do was ask with that delicious voice, and Niles would give up his whole life to stay. He would give up everything to make Subaki happy.

 

The realization coursed through him like he was struck by one of his fellow retainers tomes. Lightning crackled through his system. He couldn’t breathe all over again. His breath was once more stolen away by the beauties of Hoshido, but this time in the form of the most infuriatingly perfect man he’d ever met. If he were to never draw another breath, if this was to be his death, he accepted it. Love had made an idiot out of him. He was no better that the fools in those god awful romance books Odin always read aloud in the middle of the night.

 

Niles fancied himself a realist. He didn’t let his head get lost in clouded day dreams and delusions of a better life. He knew that was a typical coping mechanism for hardship, but he found that in his own experience pretending things weren’t as bad as they were was like inviting a known murder into your home. It was a one way ticket to your own demise. He kept his head, learned to survive, and let the sorrows and horrors around him keep him sharp with anger and fear.

 

He didn’t place value in the ephemeral because it only brought disappointment and left a gaping wound in its place. Temporary cures only made matters worse in the long run. He knew this. But getting lost in the body numbing cloud of endorphins that they provided was so easy. It was easier than fighting, and for someone who had been fighting for his life since the day he was torn prematurely from the womb... giving in was just so tempting.

 

It was like coming home after a particularly grueling battle, crumpling onto your cot and letting sleep overtake you. Or letting yourself collapse onto the warm sandy seashore as the waves washed up over your sore body, gentle and soothing.

 

But sleep could be permanent, it could steal you away and never let you return to consciousness. The sea could drag you into the depths, churning you and sucking you in deeper and deeper while your screams were swallowed up by the tide and your last breaths bubbled to the surface. Giving in was dangerous, no matter how good it felt.

 

And gods, it felt so good.

 

“You still haven’t answered me Niles of Nohr.” A soft hand cupped his cheek, bringing him back into his body. He flinched away in surprise and the hand withdrew as if it was burned. Confusion and hurt painting Subakis beautiful features in an ugly shade. Niles took his hand in his own, bringing it back to his face and holding it there firmly, relishing the warmth it provided. An apologetic look in his eye.

 

“I will think on it.” He had a lot to think on if he were being honest. But his thoughts were plague and he felt them consuming him. Subaki wasn’t the only one who’s mind sought to poison his soul. “For now princess, let's not think.”

 

“Easy for you to say, you never think.” His teasing voice was soft, but it twisted something deep inside of Niles. He forced out a laugh, running a hand through his lovers long hair gently before giving it a harsh tug.

 

Subaki cried out at the sudden spike of pain, his expression turning lost. Deep in those beautiful eyes, under all the confusion, was a spark of fear. Niles would have missed it if he wasnt searching for it.

 

The sick sensation of truth settled in his stomach, viscous and heavy. His love did not trust him. His love was scared of him, if not outwardly, somewhere deep down, buried with all of his hidden traumas. They could not be happy together. That spark of fear was akin to doubt, and was fated to grow.

 

He released Subakis hair, it slipped through his fingers before he could make an attempt to hang onto it again. His hand fell limply to his side, a numbness spreading throughout his body, expression going vacant. They were temporary. Their love was beautiful, it was gentle and it was vicious. It was like coming home, and it was like drowning. It was never meant to last, no matter how desperately Niles tried to hold onto it. His camellia would grow to hate him all over again, and Niles would be left alone to his wicked self with the audacity to feel heartbroken.

 

“Something is ailing you...” Subaki scooped both of his hands up in his own, Niles hands resting gently face down in his open palms. “Share it with me.” He prompted firmly, a fiercely determined expression in his eyes.

 

This gesture was something they had done many times over, it was what had first brought them together as more than each others prime adversaries. Niles had wanted him violently from the moment they met, how could he not want a man who’s features were naturally colored with blood in the most alluring way. He wanted to tear into him, ruining his fae like glamor and exposing his true twisted form. He knew they had to be ugly hidden under all that beautiful. Else there was no balance in the world.

 

However he found there wasn’t. There were no horrible secrets hidden by his carefully crafted pleasantries. He wasn’t covering anything over besides his own self repressed desires and insecurities. He was a tightly drawn bowstring, ready to snap. And once he realized Subaki was so teetering close to shattering his chest had ached unpleasantly and he knew he couldn’t leave him be. Cursed as it was Niles was known to care occasionally. He had helped him back from the edge, this he knew. Subaki wouldn’t have last much longer left to his own devices.

 

“Niles, do not seek to spare me if it’s going to harm you. I can handle it.” He frowned, voice firm. His face was set like stone, the most serious expression Niles had seen on him in a long time. The wind stirred his hair, blowing his bangs into a disarray over his face. Niles couldn’t help but laugh and how comical the juxtaposition was. It seemed that even the Gods wanted to mess Subaki up a little when he got too serious.

 

How could he not love a man who’s features were naturally colored with blood in the most beautiful way.

 

“I will share. But not aloud.” He sighed, closing his eye and pressing his hands down hard against Subakis, exhaling as he did so. He opened his eye once more, feeling both sick to his stomach and lighter in his chest. Subaki thought they were in love, he didn’t realize yet that they couldn’t be. And if they were, that their love could never last.

 

“You were keeping all that to yourself?” Subaki changed his grip so that he was holding Niles hands in his own, bringing them up to his lips and brushing soft kisses against his knuckles. “Fly with me tomorrow.” It was more of a command than a suggestion but Niles knew he could still turn him down if he wished to.

 

But giving in was deliciously easy.

 

“I can’t say no to that face.” He cood, sickeningly sweet, pulling a hand out of Subakis grip to pat one of his cheeks like he was a child. The other man huffed out a laugh and shoved the offending hand away. Well groomed eyebrow arching indignantly over eyes set in a glare.

 

“I could do without the patronizing,” He crossed his arms, cocking one hip to rest his weight on it. He looked so wonderfully irked, but Niles knew it was mostly an act. “However I’m glad you’ve learned to answer questions asked of you.”

 

“And whos patronizing now?” Niles laughed, mirroring Subakis body language in the most over dramatic fashion. The Hoshidan pursed his lips and took a few steps closer to Niles, leaning into his space.

 

“That’s because you had it coming.” He smiled his old fairy floss smile and patted Niles face, a little rougher than was called for. But Niles just laughed and took his hand in his own, and brought it to his lips to press a few kisses to it.

 

He would do anything to keep his camellia carefree and smiling like he was the sun itself. He knew the burdens Subaki bore were heavy, and if he wanted to play at being in love with Niles a little longer well... he could never deny him that. So he closed his eye and let himself fall further into his sky knight, knowing that the only thing that waited for him at the bottom was a swift and painful death. 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on twitter (cryptiicrose) or instagram (cryptic_rose) for more fire emblem shenanegans.


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